Middle School Farters Get Detention

No fartingWhat is this world coming to!? Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I love a good fart joke WAY too much to be considered normal. My Mrs. Petersen will second that flaw. Bodily functions are like a higher calling for comics. I think it’s far better to think farting and belching and snot are more wholesome topics for children than all the sexual innuendo that hammers them from every direction.

Babies puking ranks right up there, too. Sorry, I can’t resist this little bunny trail if you missed the Super Commercial Bowl last night.

Back to the realstory… A school in New Jersey, called Camden-Rockport Middle School (What a name! I mean, they have to use an acronym to not sound like dorks, and it’s not working) has banned “intentional flatulence” due to a group of 8th grade boys who were being disruptive.

The punishment for uncorking some leftovers from Taco Bell: DETENTION!

I have a few issues with their new policy, so let’s have at it.

  • If you bend over, is that a punishable offense?
  • What if no one hears it, did it really happen?
  • Isn’t that being unfair to kids who have a colostomy bag? They can’t get detention from the fart monitors if they tried. Poor kids. As if wearing a bag isn’t bad enough. Now they have to miss out on another opportunity to rebel.
  • What if the girls see this as an opportunity to get the boys in trouble? Who’s going to blame the cheerleading captain? Sexism issues will happen, my friend.
  • What about a doctor’s note? You can get out of gym class with a note. Maybe you can get out of restraining your farts and letting them rip with pure intent to gag.

This is middle school, people! Don’t you remember what it was like growing up? As if they don’t have enough problems, now they have to be exercise their sphincters. Can these administrators get a grip and realize that it’s just farting?

What do you say? Is this too much micro-management or a good policy to teach kids to behave?

  • Charis

    This is the Grossest blog I’ve read in ages!! 🙂 Gotta say this is definitely too much micro-management. Might as well add burping to the list as well.

  • Charis

    This is the Grossest blog I’ve read in ages!! 🙂 Gotta say this is definitely too much micro-management. Might as well add burping to the list as well.

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Jesse

    Hey, Charis!

    What could possibly be construed as gross about this article? This is some clean-living at its finest.

    Better out than in, Shrek’s dad used to say!

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Jesse

    Hey, Charis!

    What could possibly be construed as gross about this article? This is some clean-living at its finest.

    Better out than in, Shrek’s dad used to say!

  • Tyronius Maximus

    It sounds like the rule was made up to aim at a particular group of offenders. Once being an 8th grade boy myself, I find that I don’t have to stretch ny imagination too far to believe that these little “turd busters” are just being punks and probably deserve what they get. Yes, it’s a slippery slope, but as long as the rule serves the purpose of the context in which it was created, I don’t have too big a problem with it. However, good luck proving that the named “butt buster” is guilty in the court of a mother’s opinion. My problem comes in the fact that the administration has to create such a rule in the first place. Is our society really so trivial that the rule has to be written out so that no one gets sued? If a kid “cuts” up in class (pun intended), the teacher should be allowed to discipline as he/she sees fit. Granted, there are some teachers out there with a bit of a god-complex, but if we would dare to discipline in the home in the first place, there would be no need for this inanity (Is that a word? Google says “YES!”).

  • Tyronius Maximus

    It sounds like the rule was made up to aim at a particular group of offenders. Once being an 8th grade boy myself, I find that I don’t have to stretch ny imagination too far to believe that these little “turd busters” are just being punks and probably deserve what they get. Yes, it’s a slippery slope, but as long as the rule serves the purpose of the context in which it was created, I don’t have too big a problem with it. However, good luck proving that the named “butt buster” is guilty in the court of a mother’s opinion. My problem comes in the fact that the administration has to create such a rule in the first place. Is our society really so trivial that the rule has to be written out so that no one gets sued? If a kid “cuts” up in class (pun intended), the teacher should be allowed to discipline as he/she sees fit. Granted, there are some teachers out there with a bit of a god-complex, but if we would dare to discipline in the home in the first place, there would be no need for this inanity (Is that a word? Google says “YES!”).

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Perfectly Me

    Hey, Tyronius!

    Sounds like you pulled that word out of your butt, but, that’s sure no typo… nice word choice.

    I agree that it’s a problem that society has come to the point that it feels like it needs to make a rule for such a small population.

    Looking at the bigger picture, though, it’s been happening for a long, long time: blue laws. How many times have you heard about the law in Podunk, AR about a man’s second-born son is not allowed to have sex with a crocodile on the left side of Main Street on the third Tuesday of the month?

    Ok, maybe never, but you know what laws I’m talking about.

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Perfectly Me

    Hey, Tyronius!

    Sounds like you pulled that word out of your butt, but, that’s sure no typo… nice word choice.

    I agree that it’s a problem that society has come to the point that it feels like it needs to make a rule for such a small population.

    Looking at the bigger picture, though, it’s been happening for a long, long time: blue laws. How many times have you heard about the law in Podunk, AR about a man’s second-born son is not allowed to have sex with a crocodile on the left side of Main Street on the third Tuesday of the month?

    Ok, maybe never, but you know what laws I’m talking about.

  • Tyronius Maximus

    I hope that’s not a true law…Otherwise, Bill Clinton may be going to jail very soon…

  • Tyronius Maximus

    I hope that’s not a true law…Otherwise, Bill Clinton may be going to jail very soon…

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Jesse

    I finally found the words I wanted:

    This rule is stupid because it falls under a rule of common sense that I’d bet 99.999% of schools and organizations have in their policy books – do NOT be disruptive.

    Why make an entirely new rule for a select group of people that will unintentially affect non-offenders of the original intent of the offending group?

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Jesse

    I finally found the words I wanted:

    This rule is stupid because it falls under a rule of common sense that I’d bet 99.999% of schools and organizations have in their policy books – do NOT be disruptive.

    Why make an entirely new rule for a select group of people that will unintentially affect non-offenders of the original intent of the offending group?

  • Tyronius Maximus

    No argument here that the rule is stupid. But, I don’t blame the rule makers or even the rule breakers. They are not as much to blame as the society that creates the need for such rules.

  • Tyronius Maximus

    No argument here that the rule is stupid. But, I don’t blame the rule makers or even the rule breakers. They are not as much to blame as the society that creates the need for such rules.

  • Jerry

    ROFLOL!! Way too many school administrators are completely devoid of anything remotely resembling common sense.

    I agree completely that it’s silly to make a special rule for one type of disruptive behavior. That’s like saying it’s against the law to steal and it’s also against the law to steal bicycles (or baseball cards, or whatever theft you want to single out).

    Besides, it’s probably self-regulating. I suspect that before long, one of the little delinquents will accidentally fill his britches and the others will say, “Ya know what? I think I’ll stop farting so much and so hard so that doesn’t happen to me.” – right after they laugh the guy out of the school!

  • Jerry

    ROFLOL!! Way too many school administrators are completely devoid of anything remotely resembling common sense.

    I agree completely that it’s silly to make a special rule for one type of disruptive behavior. That’s like saying it’s against the law to steal and it’s also against the law to steal bicycles (or baseball cards, or whatever theft you want to single out).

    Besides, it’s probably self-regulating. I suspect that before long, one of the little delinquents will accidentally fill his britches and the others will say, “Ya know what? I think I’ll stop farting so much and so hard so that doesn’t happen to me.” – right after they laugh the guy out of the school!

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Perfectly Me

    Oh. My. Gosh! THAT is the funniest thing I’ve heard you say in years and years! I almost filled my own britches when I read that.

    Thanks for the laughs.

  • http://www.perfectlypetersen.com Perfectly Me

    Oh. My. Gosh! THAT is the funniest thing I’ve heard you say in years and years! I almost filled my own britches when I read that.

    Thanks for the laughs.

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