Jacob is too fruity since he wants to dance with his father – give me a break, poor mama’s boy. If I lost my dad at 12 I wouldn’t want to dance with him again, I’d want to throw the ball around or go shoot something. Please, such a diva! Stefano is still Ferris Bueller. Haley still needs to go home, although that was her best performance to date. As much as I like how Scotty can sing anything, he can’t stand up to the likes of Casey or James.

Casey Abrams busted out with a Maroon 5 song and took it all the way to “rock” status and made it supremely cool. Then he swaggered up to JLo, sang right in her face tenderly for 5-10 seconds before planting a kiss on her cheek. She was quite the blushing beauty after that. Casey climbed to the top of manhood with that little act.

James Durban went all-out epic again with a very theatrically riveting performance of a Muse song that was spot on the whole time. He’s just born to do this.

Whether or not I get the Bottom 3 right tonight or not, it’s the Top 3 that matter now, after 2 horrible losses in Pia and Paul, considering Haley has been in the bottom 3 times and Stefano has been twice. Aside from the night Casey was booted and saved, he, James, Lauren Alaina, and Scotty McCreery have never been in the Bottom 3. Those are the only 4 with real talent for making a career out of this.

Bottom 3:

Jacob!

Haley!

Stefano!

Going home:

Jacob!

Leading off, Jacob Lusk found his inner Elton John, Village People, and singing Liberace last night. I don’t understand why the teenie-bopper girls shout “I love you” to him. Maybe their gaydar is broken. He came all the way out with “Man in the Mirror” flailing and doing hip thrusts and all. Beside all of that circus dancing, the singing wasn’t as good as his Hollywood week smash.

Haley Reinhart still can’t figure out what to do to save her life. She somehow managed to make me hate a Janice Joplin song. At least this time her red lipstick stayed on her lips.

Then the run started: Casey Abrams with CCR, Lauren Alaina with “Natural Woman,” James Durbin with a George Harrison ballad, Scotty McCreery busted out “That’s All Right,” and Pia Toscano brought down the house!!!! with “River Deep – Mountain High.” I would have been pleased if that was the last song, but then…

Stefano Langone had to ruin the night with “When a Man Loves a Woman.” I haven’t quite figured out what I don’t like about him, but I would never go to a Stefano concert. Ever.

At least they got back into the right place with Paul McDonald slaying “Folsom Prison Blues.” It fit him perfectly and the crowd really got into it and it ended up being a great ending after all. That Stefano number had me worried that the producers had lost their minds.

Bottom Three:

Jacob Lusk, Stefano Langone, and Haley Reinhart.

Going Home:

Haley Reinhart

I’m going to get this off my chest: I can’t stand watching or listening to Naima Adedapo. I want her to go home and keep on cleaning toilets until she finds a less annoying way (than making me want to throw my remote) to make more money.

I was floored to see that Haley Reinhart had the coveted finale spot, and while she did a great job picking a song, style, and way to move, it still isn’t anything that will win. Scotty McCreery picked “Country Comfort” because, you guessed it: it had the word “country” in it.

After Casey’s run-through with the producers, they suggested that his beard is taking over his face and that he should go get it trimmed. They were right! What a difference. Now his beard looks like mine at the point that I can’t stand it being that long, and it looked like he’d lost 25lbs. It was a good performance, but I am still stuck on wanting another Nirvana, because that was his best ever.

James Durbin totally rocked. 3/4 of the way through the song, the pianist just got up and ran off-stage. I wondered why, but only for 5 more seconds… the piano lid was missing and the whole thing lit up with 6-foot flames for the rest of the song, finished with 2 pyro blasts at the base of the stairs. It was an epic performance.

Pia Toscano was wonderful and lovely, as usual. Thia did much better, but she can’t win. Jacob Lusk bores me with his face-pulling, and acting generally like a girl or very confused man. He’s a one-trick pony, too. All he knows to do is to go high.

Lauren Alaina did fantastic singing “Candle in the Wind,” especially since she ripped out her “ear” immediately. There must have been something terribly wrong with what came out into her ear, but she really kicked butt. She’s coming across as more air-headed each week, though. My wife thinks she’s been out of school too long.

Paul McDonald was great and picked the perfect song in “Rocket Man” and really did his brand justice. The dude is ready to go on tour and have tons of iTunes singles.

Oh, yeah, Stefano Langone… well, since I almost forgot to include him should tell you how ordinary he was.

My picks for Bottom 4: Naima Adedapo, Stefano Langone, Haley Reinhart, and Thia Megia.

Going home: Naima Adedapo and Stefano Langone.

Last night was Motown night. It made it really easy to tell who knew themselves, what their niche was, and how to arrange a song to match their style. Those who succeeded in best to worst order were: Paul McDonald, James Durbin, Pia Toscano, Thia Megia, Casey Abrams, Scotty McCreery, and Lauren Alaina.

I’m over Jacob Lusk and his faces, dancing, and hand gestures. Naima Adedapo was confused which Nigel Lithgoe show she was on and started (very badly) doing an African dance number – oh, she IS African? I guess that hadn’t been thrown in my face enough yet for that to sink in. Haley Reinhart has always been and will always be in the Bottom 3 until she goes home. Lastly, Stefano Langone still can’t keep his eyes open.

Bottom 3 of 11

Haley Reinhart, Stefano Langone, and Naima Adedapo

Going home

Naima Adedapo

I voted last night based on some strange mix of how awesome they were last night and how much I want them to stay in the competition. I left those with raw talent up to those with a sure-fire fan base (Pia Toscano and Jacob Lusk) even though I didn’t care of last night’s performances from either one. Seriously, did the judges zone out on Jacob’s last 15 seconds and miss the same dog-howl notes that I heard loud and clear? If you’re going to pile on the pitchy for 4 others, you have to lay it on him, too. I’m an equal-opportunity pitchy judge, especially when I didn’t hear it from 2 of the ones they dug into for that singing sin.

I watched Casey Abrams performance 6 times just because I’m a Smells Like Teen Spirit glutton for punishment and just now loaded up some YouTube love for him while I’m writing this. I also played back Paul’s performance one more time before moving on to other DVR programs of my fancy. I have to respect the contestants who 1) know themselves 2) know their music history 3) combine the two into a great show. Those were the people I voted for with my text plan as follows:

• Casey Abrams: 15 votes
• Lauren Alaina: 6 votes
• James Durbin: 5 votes
• Scotty McCreery: 4 votes
• Paul McDonald: 3 votes

Moving on to the bad performances/impressions/songs of the night. I know, that’s why you REALLY come here, so I won’t leave you hanging any longer. It was hard for me to limit myself to 3 picks. Correction, it IS hard  – considering that I’m writing this on the fly and removing the better ones if I come up with a worse one. How’s that for how bad the entire lot was?

• Haley Reinhart – She won’t be able to recover from all of the things that went wrong: singing a “Whip Me” Houston song, those awkward tights, and her epic lipstick malfunction. The camera crew doomed her when they cut in close enough to see 3 smudges on her face and lipstick stuck between her teeth. It was so bad, it looked like she’d just had a 2-hour make-out session and forgot to tidy up before coming home to awaiting parents. It was nice of Ryan to come out to dab some away, but the damage was done.
• Karen Rodriguez – She didn’t do anything to change anyone’s mind about her from last week. She’s still some sort of Latin ambassador or poster girl in my mind. Her whole notion (egged on by Jennifer) to switch between English and Spanish lyrics is getting old. It’s one thing to sing a popular (J-Lo or Shakira) song completely in Spanish and another entirely to appeal to or appease people by switching in the middle of the song. Have some substance to your performance next time, okay?
• Stefano Langone – I still can’t get past seeing Matthew Broederick on stage. He’s just “okay” ever since Hollywood week.
• Thia Megia – Girl, you’ve gotta know who you are. Enough with the ballads. I think we have another David Archuleta case where the parents are picking the songs.
• Naima Adedapo – She’s still bothering me by hanging on there. Tina Turner, she isn’t. Bad song choice for her.

My picks for the Bottom Three: Haley, Karen, and Naima.

Going home: Haley Reinhart. You just can’t sing Whitney Houston AND smear your lipstick all over and still expect to stay. It’s never a good thing when the judges lead with how good someone looks – that means they don’t have anything else nice to say.

My Front-runner: Pia Toscano

While I’d say that the overall performance quality of the contestants last night was far superior to those of the first week, some people still don’t have a clue about how to pick a song and make it entertaining. I don’t care if you “had fun” up there. I have to be entertained. It almost seems like the producers are picking favorites by helping some with their arrangements more than others. A couple were almost completely derailed by their arrangements.

I voted for everyone who entertained me and one whom I think was just lost due to some outside pressures. Those whom I voted for are italicized and bolded.

For our little observation of the night, it should be illegal to wear fluorescent green shirts in the audience because there are still black lights, and it’s disrespectful to contestants to see them when the lights are down low.

Bottom Three

I think the bottom three may be too close to call between the people who don’t have the fanbase and those who were bad but still have enough fans. I’m going to give it a go, anyway:

• Ashton Jones – Did you seriously think you could pull off Diana Ross?
• Karen Rodriguez – Love the song, but I think she’s going to annoy people with her pro-latina mumbo-jumbo. It’s unattractive to everyone who isn’t latino/a. Come one, “go white people!” seriously, you can’t do that, so she shouldn’t either.
• Haley Reinhart – I would have fallen asleep if I hadn’t vowed to not fall asleep this season.

Who I’d like to see go home is Naima Adedapo. I don’t think she’s very marketable as she is, but maybe with this reggae twist she did last night, she might change my mind, but please stop with that bright red lipstick – I keep thinking you just devoured raw meat and didn’t wipe off the blood. Way too red, girl. As for Stefano, I think he has enough high school girls voting for his Matthew Broderick face.

Who I think will go home: Ashton Jones – she barely made it in anyway, as a wildcard.

I have a couple of words of discouragement for 2 singers, in particular.

• Jordan Dorsey, Usher is looking for you. He wants to beat you to a pulp for so fully plagiarizing one of his videos that you probably saw on YouTube.
• Rachel Zevita, sex sells, but what was that? Who are you? Your family only cheered because they didn’t want to crush you.

Now that those are out of the way as the worst, I am more in the right frame of mind to elaborate on who I voted for and why, in order of talent, not necessarily popularity:

1. Pia Toscano – I thought my next singer was a great performance, but Pia’s “I’ll Stand by You” was da bomb! If it had come later in the season to get the whole song, I’d buy it off of iTunes, for sure. Perfect tone, pitch, and stage presence.
2. James Durbin – Wow! That reminded me of Adam without the mascara and boy toys. His highs are absolutely full voice and he exudes “rocker” in a way that has to make Steven Tyler smile on the inside, too.
3. Lauren Alania – That girl is a total package combination of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. I even called it while she was singing, to have it echoed by the judges was pretty cool. She’s not only good, but a 16yr old favorite.
4. Thia Megia – Pure. Solid. Beautiful. She could record or perform – today. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find out that she’s a perfect pitch prodigy, to be able to sing so confidently with an a cappella opening like that.
5. Casey Abrams – I didn’t like his song choice, singing “I Put a Spell on You” in a pretty creepy way like that because I think he came across as an ex-loser who finally had some attention, but I can’t fault his execution of the vocals. Please work on your faces, though.
6. Jacob Lusk – I agree with the judges during Hollywood that he put out the best performance ever on Idol, but he dropped down a couple of notches for me with these others being so spot-on.
7. Paul McDonald – He’s got the quirkiest movements I’ve ever seen on stage that didn’t make me laugh out loud or feel bad for them, but the dude can sing. I love his tone. It’s a perfect coffee house sound, but it may be lacking for what the Idol crowd wants.
8. Scotty McCreey – Pure country. I’m not an old-time country fan, but I think I could like his stuff because he doesn’t do any twang – it’s more of an accent. I do wish he’d stop leaning over to one side to sing and pulling his mouth to the side, though. I’m sure he’ll really come around when he gets behind his guitar again.
9. Haley Reinhart – A good ole Mid-Western girl who can sing. She’s not the best, but I wouldn’t count her out yet to see if some more time on stage and more coaching brings her up to another level.

As for the rest, they can go home and I wouldn’t care. If any of these people go home and two other people get in from my bad list, I’ll be suspicious of America’s hearing and/or taste.

From the Rush Limbaugh Show this week, here is another Paul Shanklin parody song, this time Obamacare meets Don McLean’s “American Pie.” I almost drove off the road when it got to the chorus.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Casey James bored the heck out of me with the first song and didn’t impress me with his second song. Bye-bye, Casey.

Next week had better be Lee vs. Crystal. As much as I’ve liked Crystal all year, Lee is the David Cook of this season – come on strong at the end and utterly dominate his performances.

I really liked Lee’s song AND performance. The bagpipes rocked! Katie had her best performance ever, matching song, attitude, and clothes just right. Michael Lynch and Crystal both did fine jobs, but that leaves 5 others who didn’t impress me. That’s like 75-80 minutes of not being impressed. I’m far too busy to watch TV and not be entertained doing it.

Siobhan started my sleeping spell. She broke my cardinal rule about slow songs. It was after 9pm, for crying out loud. I love her to death, but that was boring. She may be in danger.

Ok, so it’s time to eat dessert; here’s the Bottom 3:

Casey James, Tim Urban, and Siobhan Magnus.

Here’s to Tim Urban going home. If everyone’s thing about you in the preview video segment is that you smile too much, it’s time to go home. Oh, and I still don’t care if you had fun singing your song. I have to have fun listening.