From the Rush Limbaugh Show this week, here is another Paul Shanklin parody song, this time Obamacare meets Don McLean’s “American Pie.” I almost drove off the road when it got to the chorus.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Casey James bored the heck out of me with the first song and didn’t impress me with his second song. Bye-bye, Casey.

Next week had better be Lee vs. Crystal. As much as I’ve liked Crystal all year, Lee is the David Cook of this season – come on strong at the end and utterly dominate his performances.

I really liked Lee’s song AND performance. The bagpipes rocked! Katie had her best performance ever, matching song, attitude, and clothes just right. Michael Lynch and Crystal both did fine jobs, but that leaves 5 others who didn’t impress me. That’s like 75-80 minutes of not being impressed. I’m far too busy to watch TV and not be entertained doing it.

Siobhan started my sleeping spell. She broke my cardinal rule about slow songs. It was after 9pm, for crying out loud. I love her to death, but that was boring. She may be in danger.

Ok, so it’s time to eat dessert; here’s the Bottom 3:

Casey James, Tim Urban, and Siobhan Magnus.

Here’s to Tim Urban going home. If everyone’s thing about you in the preview video segment is that you smile too much, it’s time to go home. Oh, and I still don’t care if you had fun singing your song. I have to have fun listening.

This week had some terrific performances from Andrew Garcia, Lee Dewyze, Aaron Kelly, and I thought Katie Stevens did great even though her voice and songs don’t match her age — I just try to forget how young she is.

Tonight’s Bottom Three:

Didi Benami – She just didn’t deliver.

Siobhan Magnus – The screeching didn’t work this time.

Tim Urban – I don’t even remember it.

Bye-bye!

I know I’m cutting it close today, but it’s been a hectic day. I sure was off last week, but this one doesn’t take much thought. Everyone and their mom knows Paige Miles sucked. She bombed. She burned. I’ve heard Jr. High talent contests with better singing. I know for a fact that I could have gone out there with my favorite Billboard #1 hit and knocked her out of the competition.

Tim Urban and Andrew Garcia are still in my crosshairs, but there is no way they are going home with that disaster from Paige. She broke my #2 rule: Don’t sing a big song if you can’t sing big.

My favorites from last night: Crystal Bowersox (duh!), Aaron Kelly, and Katie Stevens after she took the mic off the stand and started blowing it out of the box. Siobhan did fine, but she didn’t have a great “moment” and honestly, I can’t remember how I liked or disliked Didi’s song. I’m guessing it was more mess than hot, but not nearly as much of a mess as the bottom three.

Leaving tonight

Paige Miles – please, no need to sing your song again.

P.S. – We don’t care how much fun you had singing it. It was painful for us.

Michael Lynche – “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World” by James Brown
John Park – “Gravity” by John Mayer
Casey James – “I Don’t Want To Be” by Gavin DeGraw
Alex Lambert – “Everybody Knows” by John Legend
Todrick Hall – “What’s Love Got To Do With It” by Tina Turner
Jermaine Sellers – “What’s Going On” by Marvin Gaye
Andrew Garcia – “You Give Me Something” by James Morrison
Aaron Kelly – “My Girl” by The Temptations
Tim Urban – “Come On Get Higher” by Matt Nathanson
Lee Dewyze – “Lips Of An Angel” by Hinder

Crystal Bowersox – “As Long As I Can See the Light” by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Haeley Vaughn – “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus
Lacey Brown – “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None The Richer
Katie Stevens – “Put Your Records On” by Corinne Bailey Rae
Didi Benami – “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers
Michelle Delamor – “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed
Lilly Scott – “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke
Katelyn Epperly – “The Scientist” by Coldplay
Paige Miles – “Walk Away” by Kelly Clarkson
Siobhan Magnus – “Think” by Aretha Franklin

Those in danger of going home each and every week until the Top 12 (in some sort of most to least order) are:

Haeley Vaughn, Alex Lambert, Jermaine Sellers, Katelyn Epperly, John Park, Didi Benami, Katie Stevens, and Andrew Garcia.

I had a really hard time picking that last guy slot, because there is such a drop off in talent or enough guys who haven’t figured out the game yet. That includes Andrew Garcia and Aaron Kelly.

Haeley HAS to go tonight. She’s quickly becoming this year’s Sanjaya. Also leaving are Katelyn Epperly, Jermaine Sellers, and Alex Lambert. Jermaine, lots of people know Jesus, but He’s not going to keep you on Idol with that singing and ‘tude.

• Whatever you do, don’t sing a slow song. You want the crowd on their feet and raising the energy level.
• If your name isn’t Celine or Leona, don’t sing one of their songs. You just can’t compete. Period. Celine is Celine because she can hit those notes with a full-on blast of pure musical wonder.
• Avoid the top singer-songs that people identify with because of the artist who made it popular. Stick to a selection of band songs where it’s the music more than the vocal to avoid comparisons with the original artist. Again, you can’t compete. Caveat: see below…
• Unless you change the music in a “relevant” way. It must show that you can sing, compose, and be original in a way that doesn’t draw comparisons with the original artist. This can backfire if everyone likes the original more.
• If possible (able to be pulled off without gender-bending), choose a song performed by the opposite sex. It’s quite simply one of the easiest ways to avoid comparisons to the artist, but don’t be creepy about it. This could also backfire, so be brilliant.

Let’s go over the songs from the week:

Girls Songs

Paige Miles – “All Right Now” by Free
Ashley Rodriguez – “Happy” by Leona Lewis
Janell Wheeler – “What About Love” by Heart
Lilly Scott – “Fixing A Hole” by The Beatles
Katelyn Epperly – “Oh Darling” by The Beatles
Haeley Vaughn – “I Want To Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles
Lacey Brown – “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac
Michelle Delamor – “Fallin’” by Alicia Keys
Didi Benami – “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson
Siobhan Magnus – “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak
Crystal Bowersox – “Hand In My Pocket” by Alanis Morrisette
Katie Stevens – “Feeling Good” by Michael Bublé

Guys Songs

Todrick Hall – “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson
Aaron Kelly – “Here Comes Goodbye” by Rascal Flatts
Jermaine Sellers – “Get Here” by Oleta Adams
Tim Urban – “Apologize” by OneRepublic
Joe Muñoz – “You And I Both” by Jason Mraz
Tyler Grady – “American Woman” by The Guess Who/Lenny Kravitz
Lee Dewyze – “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol
John Park – “God Bless The Child” by Billie Holiday
Michael Lynche – “This Love” by Maroon 5
Alex Lambert – “Wonderful World” by James Morrison
Casey James – “Heaven” by Bryan Adams
Andrew Garcia – “Sugar, We’re Going Down” by Fall Out Boy

My Opinions/Picks

Oh, my! Some of these girls need to go home. Now! Haeley Vaughn, I’m talking to you! That rendition and performance were painful. Just watch/listen to it to get on my bus. “Happy” by Ashley Rodriguez was a typical dud when attempting a Leona Lewis song (see my rules above).

From the guys, there were definitely two stand-out sit-downs who need to go home: Jermaine Sellers and John Park. They both broke the slow song rule and bored me to death. Unless they have some fan base for looks or personality, they’re goners.

There were some people who already seemed natural on stage, and I can’t wait to see how they improve over the season. Paige Miles, Lilly Scott, Didi Benami, Crystal Bowersox, and Katie Stevens all rocked out. I have to disagree with all four judges’ opinions of Todrick Hall, because I thought he was pretty darn good, especially for the first number of the night. Tim Urban, Joe Muñoz, Casey James, and Aaron Kelly were all on top of their game and made good choices.

Two fashion tips: Alex Lambert, lose the mullet; Katelyn Epperly, don’t do 80′s hooker again.

Fellow inmates are quoted that their “grunts and groans” kept them awake at night and made them feel “frustrated.” He somehow scaled the wall, evaded security, and proceeded to break in using a skeleton key to get his relief.

• How come the jail isn’t empty with people able to break out as easily as he broke in?
• Why didn’t the girlfriend leave with him?
• How much are those guards paid?

He will be joining her in jail soon, as he’s awaiting trial for trespassing. Regardless of whether he gets to share a cell with his girlfriend or not, I imagine there will be a lot of “frustrated” inmates in that jail soon, as walls and bars don’t seem to be able to keep this guy from what he wants.

Source: http://www.myfoxdc.com

Click here to view the embedded video.

By sitting on him.

So I hear this story on the radio this morning and instantly get this picture of a big mama with a skinny as a rail man sitting in his recliner or laying back on the couch and she threatens him with something like, “I’m going to sit on you if you don’t shut your mouth!”

Turns out that I wasn’t wrong. She was estimated at 300 lbs at the time (how much has she gained since then?) and he was not much bigger than me at 120 lbs.

Because he was the baby daddy and they had 3 kids together (surprise!), said fat woman was sentenced to 3 years in jail, was booked, and immediately released to go home.

Who knew killing people was so easy?!

Source: Fox 8 – Cleveland