From the Rush Limbaugh Show this week, here is another Paul Shanklin parody song, this time Obamacare meets Don McLean’s “American Pie.” I almost drove off the road when it got to the chorus.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Fellow inmates are quoted that their “grunts and groans” kept them awake at night and made them feel “frustrated.” He somehow scaled the wall, evaded security, and proceeded to break in using a skeleton key to get his relief.

• How come the jail isn’t empty with people able to break out as easily as he broke in?
• Why didn’t the girlfriend leave with him?
• How much are those guards paid?

He will be joining her in jail soon, as he’s awaiting trial for trespassing. Regardless of whether he gets to share a cell with his girlfriend or not, I imagine there will be a lot of “frustrated” inmates in that jail soon, as walls and bars don’t seem to be able to keep this guy from what he wants.

Source: http://www.myfoxdc.com

Click here to view the embedded video.

By sitting on him.

So I hear this story on the radio this morning and instantly get this picture of a big mama with a skinny as a rail man sitting in his recliner or laying back on the couch and she threatens him with something like, “I’m going to sit on you if you don’t shut your mouth!”

Turns out that I wasn’t wrong. She was estimated at 300 lbs at the time (how much has she gained since then?) and he was not much bigger than me at 120 lbs.

Because he was the baby daddy and they had 3 kids together (surprise!), said fat woman was sentenced to 3 years in jail, was booked, and immediately released to go home.

Who knew killing people was so easy?!

Source: Fox 8 – Cleveland

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes – LOTS of nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased, it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.

You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

Are you stimulated?

To get the whole nerd story: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base_are_belong_to_us – with the other famous line being: “Somebody set up us the bomb.”

For me, the two worst parts (and really the only bad parts about my line of work) of a job are:

1. Getting to the estimate part of the deal and waiting for either a) death by shock, b) complete rejection and instant counter-offer (sheeah, that works), or c) an elated new client
2. Finishing the work and shooting out the invoice with a nice “thank you” in the “notes” field and see what comes of it

Thus far my experience has been overwhelmingly positive with only one non-payer who will get their site unlocked once they pay, one who seems to continually misunderstand the scope of the project and wants $3000 worth of work for $800, and one who offered me baby clothes as an exchange for my skills. I’m still in the early stages of figuring out my billing and deposit system, since I don’t think many of my clients quite feel comfortable with a full-prepay for jobs under $3000 yet, but I do insist on my first hour of consulting and site work for new clients ahead of time and have great results with that by billing exact time after that first hour.

Here is a video that will really make you empathize with freelancers everywhere:

Click here to view the embedded video.

by Stephan Pastis Email Stephan! NEWS + FAQ

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

Then try 50-lb. potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.